Vociferous Variance and Vacilation

God bless OB. His class is yet another opportunity to blog. He just keeps going over the same stuff. He doesn’t trust that his students have learned the previous material sufficiently to move forward. And rightly so, since so many of them have not. And yet the more he repeats the system of terms, the more I see their eyes glaze over and become indifferent to the whole subject matter.

Why do I keep showing up to something that is so blatantly wasting my time? I guess to just not be an asshole, I suppose. And because sometimes I pipe up and help clarify things that are hopelessly muddied. And its good to be of some use to one’s peers.

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I’ve been baking a great deal lately. The whole thing appeals to me on many levels. The ordered, careful process of measuring precise amounts, laid out on my counters like the chemistry experiment they are. Prepared baking sheets and muffin pans receiving the batter or dough. The careful extrication of cookies and muffins onto a cooling rack, in a cloud of delicious smell. Like a monastic meditative exercise.

When I’m baking, when I’m a baker I am affected by the baking, the being a baker. I like what/who I am when I’m baking. I’m filled with a sense of compassion, for my friends, my family, my self…humanity even, though abstractly. The joy of my baked goods is to give them away. A few can be enjoyed in private, but that’s really not the point of the exercise.

The Baking Repetoire as it stands:
- Peanut Butter Cookies
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Whole Wheat Coffee/Beer Bread
- *NEW* Oatmeal Cookies
- *NEW* Bran Muffins

That’s right kids; I bought a muffin pan. Ladies.

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In the middle of the previous section, OB asked me a very specific question about a presentation I gave more than a month ago. What?!

Now he’s giving an account of the movie “The Visitor”… poorly.

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I’m going out w/ Katie again tomorrow night. Someone asked me over dinner on Saturday why I’m putting my hand back in the garbage disposal. I told them lots of things that aren’t true but allowed me to be pretty-much left alone in my decision. I’ll spare you the dissimulations.

Final answer: I’d really like that to have a chance to be… I dunno, “something”

On the other hand, that I’m giving her the opportunity does not mean all my eggs are in one basket. If someone else captivating comes along, she’s S.O.L.

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I tire sometimes of the weighty-ness of my philosophical work. I need to vacillate between the aesthetic and the philosophical. The concerns of Blondel’s Action and Lonergan’s Insight and Kant’s Duty are all just so important. Its exhausting. Right now, I’d much rather spend my time (and money…) on baking and decorating my apartment and going dancing and reading design magazines and blogs and watching TV shows and on and on.

I did spend yesterday sitting on a blanket at a park soaking up the modicum of sun our Boston spring afforded. Today I weathered the thunderstorms with coffee and clam chowder.

I want to do arts and crafts projects. To paint and sew and recycle creatively.

But, I can read w/ a latte in hand. That works pretty good.

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I have wonderful friends. I aspire to their authenticity, their patience, their forgiveness, their kindness and their intelligence. God bless them, each and everyone.