I think the one of Jesus commands that I'm most focused on these days is to not worry. I'm trying to be obedient, but sometimes I just end up worrying about worrying.
This kind of obedience is especially important for philosophy right now. If I'm doing philosophy to try to meet the expectations of an exterior, posited, super-ego-like standard of what a philosopher should be or do or whatever, I end up lying all the time.
"Sure, I love reading Wittgenstein."
I end up reading things in order to impress people and to try to be someone else. To try to be the REAL philosophy student and not just my fraudulent self.
Even Truth isn't really my goal, if by truth we mean some out-there-now-real that has to be discovered and comprehensively comprehended. If that were the case, I would never stop worrying about all that will inevitably escape my grasp.
No, I think I'm here to do only this: To do the work I love and love the people I'm doing it with.
That and, as Shaq says, not "come inside the paint w/ any weak shit."
No more ambition. It is just the self divorcing and judging itself. It's horrendous doubleness.
If I pursue this place, these people and this work in passionately LOVE, I will be exactly the kind of successful I'm supposed to be.
and nothing more.
Godspeed.
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I'm sure you can imagine that I struggle with the same crap. Lots of times I find myself all-to-willing to wallow in the intellectual glory of being a philosophy student and the reputation among friends for being 'smart.' It's awful important for the sake of our integrity to do it for the right reasons...
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